She's JV to your varsity
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize