Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
