we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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