you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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