Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
