It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm like, not good at living.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
