I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
