Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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