I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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