Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
