I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
