yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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