If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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