Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
