I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
