some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Welp...herpes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
