it hurts more in the daytime
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
