I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
