she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
