I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
