i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
