I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
