Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
