People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
