I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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