I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
