Even the bartender felt bad for me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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