Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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