I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
