he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize