you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
