i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
