My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
