my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
