afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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