Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
