Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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