it hurts more in the daytime
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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