Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
