His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize