I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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