Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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