He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
