yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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