They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
