Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
