she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
