Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize