I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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