i barfeds in our rink
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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