My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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