So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
