Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
