I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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