it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
