no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
