i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
