the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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