I wish my penis had an off switch
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
