Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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