we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
