Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
