When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
