His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
