I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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