I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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