"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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