for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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