she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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