Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
