I feel like abortions should bother me more
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
