porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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