You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
