what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
