he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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