I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
