i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
