even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
