Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He passed out mid-signature
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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