He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
