I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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