Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
