I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize