I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
