I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
