just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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