Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Success! We fucked roommates!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
