in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I did not marry a roomba.
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