oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
