Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
