ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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