I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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