winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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