also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
