I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
