just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
