One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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