That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
