Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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