apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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