The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
